Mark Twain Quotes
There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.Mark Twain
It is easier to stay out than get out.Mark Twain
It is discouraging to try and penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it out and dance on it. That would take some of the rigidity out of it.Mark Twain
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.Mark Twain
We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.Mark Twain
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty - One, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.Mark Twain
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - A Christian.Mark Twain
Virtue has never been as respectable as money.Mark Twain
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.Mark Twain
If you take a dog which is starving and feed him and make him prosperous, that dog will not bite you. This is the primary difference between a dog and a man.Mark Twain
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow - Mindedness.Mark Twain
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.Mark Twain
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.Mark Twain
Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain.Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk spoiled.Mark Twain
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.Mark Twain
I have spent most of my time worrying about thigs that have never happened.Mark Twain
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.Mark Twain
I can live two months on a good compliment.Mark Twain
A lie can travel halfway round the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.Mark Twain
All schools, all colleges have two great functions to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge. - Notebook, 1908.Mark Twain
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.Mark Twain
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.Mark Twain
Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.Mark Twain
Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.Mark Twain
Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.Mark Twain
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress but I repeat myself.Mark Twain
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - Either by themselves or by others.Mark Twain
I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.Mark Twain
If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging?Mark Twain
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.Mark Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.Mark Twain
