Mark Twain Quotes
The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.Mark Twain
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.Mark Twain
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.Mark Twain
Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessaries.Mark Twain
The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.Mark Twain
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.Mark Twain
We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.Mark Twain
There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.Mark Twain
Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.Mark Twain
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.Mark Twain
George Washington as a boy was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth - He could not even lie.Mark Twain
We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change place with an easy and blessed facility, and we are soon wonted to the change and happy in it.Mark Twain
Man will do many things to get himself loved he will do all things to get himself envied.Mark Twain
Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, It was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.Mark Twain
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.Mark Twain
The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit.Mark Twain
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.Mark Twain
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.Mark Twain
Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.Mark Twain
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principle one was that they escaped teething.Mark Twain
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.Mark Twain
If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging?Mark Twain
It is noble to teach oneself, it is still nobler to teach others.Mark Twain
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.Mark Twain
Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.Mark Twain
Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it....Mark Twain
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.Mark Twain
Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.Mark Twain
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.Mark Twain
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.Mark Twain
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.Mark Twain
Time cools, time clarifies no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.Mark Twain
I did it partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.Mark Twain
