Mark Twain Quotes
Pessimism is only the name that men of weak nerve give to wisdom.Mark Twain
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.Mark Twain
Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.Mark Twain
All schools, all colleges have two great functions to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge. - Notebook, 1908.Mark Twain
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - Either by themselves or by others.Mark Twain
Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience of 4000 critics.Mark Twain
When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.Mark Twain
I cannot keep from talking, even at the risk of being instructive.Mark Twain
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress but I repeat myself.Mark Twain
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - - A christian.Mark Twain
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.Mark Twain
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.Mark Twain
Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.Mark Twain
The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.Mark Twain
Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it....Mark Twain
I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.Mark Twain
If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging?Mark Twain
In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.Mark Twain
Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute, but they all worship money.Mark Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.Mark Twain
The billiard table is better than the doctor.Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk spoiled.Mark Twain
Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.Mark Twain
At the beginning of a great national change, the patriot is a scarce man: scorned, ridiculed and forgotten. When his cause succeeds, however, all men will join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.Mark Twain
Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.Mark Twain
We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.Mark Twain
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.Mark Twain
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.Mark Twain
I was born modest. Not all over, but in spots.Mark Twain
He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.Mark Twain
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.Mark Twain
Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.Mark Twain
